BLACKJACK LAND & CATTLE COMPANY: Ranch Wife 101 guidelines

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Ranch Wife 101 guidelines

I found these today when I was cleaning out my email. I could not resist posting them. They are so true, as I have been blessed with a cowboy in my life. They would have been great to have before hand, so I would know what to expect! Do not get me wrong, I would not trade my husband for anything, I am blessed with a great Christian man. Another one I would like to add to the list is: ALWAYS saddle your horse first, if you saddle his first, he may expect you to saddle in 5 seconds, or ride off and leave you there and then expect you to catch up in record time! Having said that I would not trade my life as a cowboy's wife! It has been a blessing to be around God's beautiful creatures and raising our children in the country! YEEHAW!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you God for my Cowboy!!!

The first idea was to create a list of rules for cowboys written by
cowgirls, things that would bridge the understanding gap. But
historical reaction by cowboys for advice given by their wifely partners made me
realize the futility in the effort.

Moving from that fleeting moment of "saving the world," I decided to
help a small part of it by suggesting some basic advice to those
considering matrimony to a cowboy. While this is by no means a
complete guide, recognizing the following situations will save years of

Ranch wife 101 guidelines:

1. Always load your horse last in the trailer so it is the first one
unloaded. By the time he's got his horse unloaded, you will have your
cinch pulled and be mounted up ready to go - lessening the chance of
him riding off without you with your horse trying to follow while you are
still trying to get your foot in the stirrup.

2. Never - and I repeat never - ever believe the phrase "We'll be
right back," when he has asked you to help him do something out on the
ranch. The echoing words, "this will only take a little while" have filtered
through generations of ranch wives and still today should invoke sincere
distrust in the woman who hears them.

3. Always know there is NO romantic intention when he pleadingly asks
you to take a ride in the pickup with him around the ranch while he
checks waters and looks at cattle. What that sweet request really
means is he wants someone to open the gates.

4. He will always expect you to quickly be able to find one stray in a
four-section brush-covered pasture, but he will never be able to find
the mayonnaise jar in four-square feet of refrigerator.

5. Count every head of everything you see - cattle especially, but
sometimes horses, deer, quail or whatever moves. Count it in the gate,
out the gate or on the horizon. The first time you don't count is when
he will have expected that you did. That blank eyelash-batting look
you give him when he asks "How many?" will not be acceptable.

6. Know that you will never be able to ride a horse or drive a pickup
to suit him. Given the choice of jobs, choose throwing the feed off the
back of the pickup. If he is on the back and you are driving, the
opportunity for constant criticism of speed, ability and your eyesight
will be utilized to the full extent. "How in the *@*# could you NOT
see that hole?"

7. Never let yourself be on foot in the alley when he is sorting
cattle horseback. When he has shoved 20 head of running, bucking, kicking
yearlings at you and then hollers "Hold 'em, hold 'em" at the top of
his lungs, don't think that you really can do it without loss of life or
limb . Contrary to what he will lead you to believe, walking back to
the house is always an option that has been used throughout time.

8. Don 't expect him to correctly close the snap-on tops on the plastic
refrigerator containers, but know he will expect you to always close
every gate. His reasoning, the cows will get out; the food will not.

9. Always praise him when he helps in the kitchen - the very same way
he does when you help with the ranch work - or not.

10. Know that when you step out of the house you move from the "wife"
department to "hired hand" status. Although the word "hired" indicates
there will be a paycheck that you will never see, rest assured you
will have job security. The price is just right. And most of the time you
will be "the best help he has" even if it is because you are the ONLY help he has.Rules


Mrs. Laughter said...

I LOVE this! Mind if I borrow it? said...

I stumbled on this website and list purely by accident. It is hilarious and you obviously wrote it from experience. Please don't think that only ranchers can't find mayo in a four foot fridge. There's plenty of city menfolk that can't find it either, or a lot of other things in a house probably a far sight smaller than a ranch!

Anonymous said...

This is the best and truest thing I have read for ages. Thanks for the good laugh!!! Another ranchers wife

Kasey said...

We don't own a Ranch, but we do have cattle. I'm just starting the wife part of my life, but I have already witnessed a couple of these!

Usually when He says it will only take a second .. means 2-3 hours..